Breaking the Silence

My friends keeps on wondering where the hell I am?What have Ive been doing for the past few months? For the first 3 months when we broke up. I was just locking my self inside my apartment,been going to school (my usual routine for the whole sem) I wasnt going out during weekends like before, I just stopped. Maybe because I saw my friends been hanging out with my ex new girl too and yes they stopped inviting me too. ouch lang diba? So what do you think would I feel?

For those who dont know I've been with my ex for almost 3yrs, we had ups and downs. May mga naging kasalanan siya na pinalampas ko at inintindi ko. Iisa-isahin ko pa ba mga yun? May mga bagay ding akong nagawa at faults pero di ko ikinakaila yun. Pero whatever happened between us! Sana kami lang involved dito hindi kayo! Who are you to judge? Alam niyo ba pinag daanan namin sa tatlong taon na yun? no one!
 Kami lang. May mga nasabi man akong masasakit after naming maghiwalay yun ay dahil nasaktan ako, may mga nasabi man siya oo given na yun nasaktan din siya. The day when he broke up with me, he gave me false hopes, kesyo panandalian lang daw yun at mag babalikan pa kami. and then what? malalaman mo na lang  na may bago na siya? Di ko ba sinubukang ipaglaban? Tangna lang! ginawa ko lahat pero siya na mismo umiwas. Lagi na lang ganun sa twing I want to work things out he is the one who walks away. halos kalahating taon kaming di maxadong nagkikita at nagsasama pero sinubukan kong mag hold on tapos nung nagkagulo na lahat ako ung bibitawan niya? anung klase yan? binigay ko lahat ng pasenxa ko at pag intindi sakanya, sa ugali niya at para sa priorities niya! Tapos ako maiiwan lang sa ere? Tapos lahat kayo ako padin ang lumalabas na masama? Kayo ba nasa position ko para mag react ng ganyan?

Sa Inakala kong kaibigan, asan ako nung namromroblema kayo? Anjan lang ako parati sa tabi niyo. Lahat ng gusto niyong gawin sinuportahan ko. Tapos nung ako na ung may problema nasan kayo??? One sided kayong lahat! tang ina lang! Mang iiwan sa ere! user kayong lahat! Plastik pa. Leche lang! Para san pa na naging mabait ako sa inyo kung ganito lang issukli niyo sa akin! Tapos mag tataka kayo kung bakit di na ako namamansin sainyo?!!! INIWAN NIYO AKO SA ERE! Kung sino sumusulsol sa inyo dun kayo, yan hirap satin eh nadadala at nabibili kayo ng pera, ng bisyo niyo! Grow UP!! Di na tayo highschool para umastang walang pake sa mundo or parati na lang tayong ganyan. di na kayo natuto!

Para sa ex ko: Wala akong pinag kakalat na ikaw nanloko sa akin! kasalanan ko ba kung after ng break up natin eh nag ppost ka na ng pics niyo together ng gf mo ngaun!!!! ha!!??! leche! tsaka nung time na di na tayo nag uusap wala na akong pakealam sayo!! masaya pa nga ako for you kasi nakahanap ka kagad ng kapalit ko. Para di ka maging bitter pero ano? ikaw padin affected sa mga pinag gagagwa mo, sakin mo lahat sinisisi. malinis ka boy? ako lahat may kasalanan ha? EVALUATE your self! Sa tingin mo lahat ng part mo nagawa mo? magiging ganito ba ako sayo kung di din dahil sayo??! Pakasaya ka sa kung sino man naipalit mo sa akin. The hell I care! Im wishing you all the best. (walang halong bitterness) la naman ako pake sainyo eh.

Pinaka ayaw ko lang, ako lang pinapalabas niyong masama! Di  na nga ako umiimik, di  na nga ako nag rereact eh tapos after all ng pinagdaanan kong pag momove on eto lang mga feed back na maririnig ko from everyone! Ayos din kayong lahat ah! Napakaayos niyo!

Thank you sa lahat ng humihila sa akin pababa, Now I know who really are my friends and who are not (Fakers) Hindi niyo ako masisi kung umiiwas na ako sainyo. Di ko kayo kawalan. Alam ko sa sarili ko kung sino talaga ako at kung ano ako, meron kong mga tunay na kaibigan unlike sa inyo na naggagamitan lang!

Masaya na ako ngaun, wala na din akong pakialam sa mga rumors na kinakalat niyo. Ginawa ko lang tong blog na to para sa reaction ko sa lahat ng nalaman ko. Hindi ako nag sseek ng awa or kahit na ano. inexplan ko ba side ko? siguro some parts pero dahil ito ung totoo!

Pasenxa na rin sa pag trash talk, dala ng emosyon at wala ng edit edit to. kasi laman ng kalooban ko to!

Enough for now

I thought about a lot of things. And it all begins when I first fell in love with him: I was so lost back then, I found a man that I thought could match my personality. We are young, experimental and in love at that moment. Our first year was full of throttle, yea I could say that! Full of ups and downs, he was younger than me and I am more matured than him. I was like raising a kid to be a man. I keep telling to myself that in order to keep this relationship I need a lot of patience; amazingly I did gain lots of it. Our second year gets tougher because he keeps repeating the things that I don’t like, well every kid is stubborn. And yet I hold on for one more time thinking that I could make things work out sadly ALONE. Yes, I was trying to work it by myself. I guess it wasn’t bad. Here we come we are nearly having our 3rd year, but I know when to stop because I had enough. Handling a relationship alone is not worth it; it should always be a two way relationship.

I am not saying that I am perfect and an expert with relationship. I made mistakes at the end of this chaos we have, cause I was miserable longing for what I deserve. Weigh things now, who got bad? We have to end it, we blamed at each other for not working things out. It will always end up this way, right? Pride is all you have. I have to sacrifice a lot to let things go.  I always thought I will have him as my best friend, my companion and a partner. But it didn’t turn out that well. We share the same friends; now that it’s over I think I lost them too. Well what can I say I always work alone, and now I ended up being alone? Shit isn’t it?

Try listening to this link:

Enough by Julie Anne San Jose

I learned that communication is very important and working alone makes no sense at all. I just feel so sad right now. Cause all I wanted is someone to love me the way I love them. Why does it have to be this hard? Why do I always end up alone?  This is so unfair.

[I might edit some part soon, for now this is all i got to talked about. My mind really is so messed up]

EmpressMyrhthe's Originals©

The Untold Story of a Broken Heart

I asked @thediaryofayoungman  yesterday: "is it okay to be friends with your ex?" he said ofcourse!

Break ups are the hardest. One day you're so in love then one day you lost. Yea, its like a game of how long will you hold on and make the relationship work. Beating against all odds, the game entitles you to have 3 extra life and different set of power ups just to survive but when you are too weak keeping up with the strategy you made then the game is over! Loser.

Giving that person a chance is like the impossible thing ever. You went through love rehab: follow the link: http://empressmyrthe.tumblr.com/post/28545601028/love-rehab  then here you are, coming back as if nothing happened. Its like a broken glass than you couldnt fix. That's trust!

You'll have a hard time trusting that person all over again knowing what he did before, what you went through.

Maybe its okay, but it takes time. Yeah? I surveyed and asked some of my friends if it's really okay. 50% said yes and 50% said NO. If you're going to ask me, it depends if it is unforgivable then NO. LOL! Nah, like what I said it takes time to let a wound to be healed. But if they are willing to win your friendship again. Please make an effort in doing so. Cause you broke someone's heart and it wasnt easy for that person to coupe up when you left him or her hanging when you left.

It's like starting over again. But this time. He/She will be more careful. Trust me they are still fragile but tough enough to face you again! 

-Empressmyrthe My life is a sweet misery

How To Mend A Broken Heart (RP)

There are three stages you'll walk through ;)

Short of throwing yourself off the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed for days, comforted only by the fact that at least you have a year’s supply of pizza and donuts by your bedside and your answering machine is on the alert in the hopeful case that your once loved one might call and beg to have you back.

Only, that call never comes. You wish the earth would open you up and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?

Cases like this happens everyday.

Falling in love has its risks and you’ve just experienced it first hand. You want your life back but don’t know the first thing about how to get out of that black cloud that hovers over you, or even finding the energy to do it.

What do you do?

Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through three different stages during a break-up. Once you realize this, you can chart your progress and see that it’s only a short trip to recovery.

THE HURTING STAGE:

Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It’s where you are now. It’s your heart’s way of telling you that you have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You cry, you’re depressed and you have no idea how you are going to live without him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine and text him to the point where you are becoming psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early morning to see if his vehicle is still at his house or he is – gulp – off with another woman. You drive by where he works and contemplate going in and crying your eyeballs out to let him know this has hurt you beyond repair. You either eat tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don’t eat at all and your health suffers. You cry on your co-worker’s shoulders and hope they can help you get out of this mess. You are, essentially, gone and a hopeless mess.

How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good time to hang out with friends and watch a few comedies, even though you just aren’t up to it. Rekindle family relationships. Talk to older family members about how they met their husbands/wives and how they coped with troubled relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to remember things that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride through the countryside? A trip to the beach even in the cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on you.

You have to acknowledge that this is the normal process of grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can really help at this point because as with the death of a loved one, this is the same feeling. It’s a natural process. Give it time and remember that soon you will enter the second stage.

THE GETTING EVEN STAGE:

Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to dump me! You vow you’re going to make his/her life a living hell as long as you are alive. You start dating. Only, these are rebounds. Rebound relationships most times happen in this second stage. Some last, but most do not for the simple reason that you will do anything in your power to inflict pain on the one who did it to you.

How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you’re halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy feeling to have, it is a normal reaction after you’ve gotten over the feeling of hurt. However, instead of going postal and risk the chance you may do something you’ll regret later, take his/her picture and throw darts at it. Burn love letters. Finalize the break-up by getting rid of everything you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that years from now, you’ll wish you did have some kind of remembrance of the relationship because it’s all part of your life history. Whatever you do keep, look at it as a symbol of how well you did cope and can look at the relationship as a learning experience.

THE NOT GIVING A DAMN STAGE:

Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself what you saw in this person in the first place. Nothing he/she does now bothers you. In fact, you are happy he/she has left because you are ready now to form new relationships, new loves.

How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this last stage, you have finally come to the point where you can go on from here and form new relationships. Relationships that aren’t rebound. When you finally get to this last stage, you will become the person you once were – full of happiness, hope and a quest for life.

Once you realize the three stages of a break-up, it helps you to understand the process that is involved. Just as it took time to fall in love, you don’t just fall out of it overnight.

It helps to remember that there will always be a tomorrow and that there is always that second chance to find that special person who is meant to share his/her life with you. Life is full of second, third and even more chances. So, pick up your heart, go through the process to heal and chalk it all up to experience. You’ll be glad you did. In the words of an unknown author, “Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”

{{ Giving the Credits to Love Monkey who owns this Blog, I just Re-post this one}}

Love Rehab

Once a girl got hurt, she wont ever forget the day, the person and how it happened. I assure you she will forgive that person in time but will never ever forget what happened that day.

Every girls mistake:

She easily falls in love without even thinking it twice.

She believes every promises he swears.

She assumes that she’s the only one that guy talks to.

She expects too much.

She gives too much.

Every guys mistake:

He takes her for granted.

He takes advantage of her weakness.

He promises a lot.

He’s pride is bigger than his balls.

He say’s sorry and then he leaves.

The Beginning:

A guy would tell her that he likes her so much. And when the girl fell in love so bad, the guy would tell her the things he’ll do for her. A guy would make a girl believe that he’s not like the other man. He’ll ask for something and she wont even ?hesitate to give it in an instant. This is all wrong! 

At the END:

When they got into misunderstanding, fight or even break ups. A guy you used to knew that he was your everything turned out to be a soap bubble. Suddenly you’ll gain a super powers “The invincible” He wont even notice you, tries to ignores you. The guy who told you he was not like everyone else turned out to be just like one of them. 

Moving on,Get over it:

There are lots of ways how to move on. The very first thing you need to do is:

Lock yourself in your most comfortable zone, if you feel like crying then do it. Think about the things what went wrong, was it your fault? If yes, then accept it. At this point of momentum you will remember everything as if everything goes back form the time you met that person. My best advice: Just cry your heart out. It helps a lot. You might dehydrate your self at that time but at least you’ll get better after.

After that day, list all the things you want to do. Be with friends who knows about your situation. Hang out with them in a crowded place and have fun. Next, Keep your self busy for the next few days. Make your self unavailable, do the things you really want because now is your chance to have time for yourself. You must feel exhausted at the end of the day so when you go to bed you’ll easily fall asleep and you wont have the time to think about the unnecessary things. 

For the next couple of weeks, you wont even noticed that you’ve already moved on. Somehow, You’ll miss the person, but you will never take one step back to let that guy hurt you again. At this point, you’ve already learned a lot. Maintaining happiness is your next goal. Fulfill your dreams, stay tough and strong! :)

For every wound, there is a scar. And every scar tells a story. A story that says: I survived.

-EmpressMyrthe, my life is a sweet misery! 

Relationship Management

When everyone sees me alone, they keep on asking where's Marc? Why are we not together or bla bla. I keep answering everybody the same lines. Its either he s busy with his online game, friends or he cant go out. Same question, same answer.

How do I manage it? We've been together for 31 months already. Oh yea,this long. Well I can say I get jealous of his friends, companions and even his crappy online game. He got time for those things but for me? It takes about 1 whole day for him to think about it I guess. Haha Nah, kidding aside. All I have to do is to keep myself busy also and prioritize my studies also. Im also going out with my own friends too, I dont want to lock myself inside my Pad while he was out enjoying the night. I can do that too! ;) 


But I guess the real secret also is that I Trust him this much, so whether we see each other or don't I know he wont cheat on me or anything. This is why I am holding on to him for so long because I know that this guy loves me so much more than himself. Im so proud that I have reach this long on this relationship. Imagine 2 years and 7 months with this guy. Can anyone give me my achievement award? haha

I guess everybody are used to see us always together before, but time change. We have to move to the next level where we are not suppose to be, like this. And it pays the hardship of waiting for the next time that we will see each other again. The excitement are always present! :) I'd say I am now mature than ever, I learned how to be patient, more caring, and earning someone's trust! 

The Undercut

Okay! Lets get this started. What's new about me?

Trying to be a good girl wasnt enough! Im so freaking tired not being myself, but why am I doing this? It is because I want to get better on my academic status. I was controlling myself and forbidding myself not to go out with my friends and tried avoiding alcohols. It wasn't easy as just by saying it, In fact I am so fat now because instead of drowning myself with alcohol when Im stressed out but I was pigging out for the whole semester. Fuck! And now Im suffering. I need to loose weight, it feels so ugly =(

After finishing all my requirements that's the only time I had the chance to feel myself If I am still alive. I am rebellious even before, I wanted to do something crazy to myself every time I have the chance to do it. I've been waiting for this, I was browsing a lot of images at different sites for this particular hairstyle. The long wait is over as they say it. Here are some of the shots I took:

What can you say? Ill be entertaining your comments. Feel free but not to rude.